The 10 Most Embarrassing Products A Woman Can Buy
They say a woman’s work is never done – and when it comes to getting in the groceries, this is definitely the case. Particularly if you’re living with at least one member of the male gender, the list of weird and wonderful things you’re expected to procure from the local shops seems like it never ends. And some of these are a good deal more embarrassing than picking up a box of tampons.
The litany of humiliating things you can be sent out to buy from the aisles of your local grocery store seems limitless, so I’ve taken the liberty of highlighting my favorites here for your amusement. These are listed, and described in painfully embarrassing detail, from the mildly uncomfortable to the excruciatingly “I can never show my face here again” painful level of personal humiliation.
10 - Nursing Bras
It is a fact of life that you’ve got to buy bras – and lacy lingerie is one thing. Everyday functional Big Boring Bounce-reducing bras are not so fun. If you live near one of those big box stores that lets you get groceries and clothing in one easy stop, all the better because they do tend to stock very everyday underwear. But there’s just something about odd watching your underwear, bras in particular, drift down the conveyor belt toward the cashier with your cornflakes and morning melon.
And nursing bras are the worst. They make any male conjur up images of, well... breastfeeding. In public. And "popping one out"... you get the picture.
9 - Swimwear
The worst thing about buying swimwear is the fact that you have to do it in public. You have to select a suit while people are milling about. You have to try it on, with the thinnest of walls separating you from the aforementioned people. And, worst of all, you have to go back out foraging around for a different size among those same people!
8 - Adult Diapers
Despite the fact that there are plenty of perfectly legitimate reasons to purchase these, it is the pits!
if you’re under 75, it seems like you need to explain yourself to the clerk before you pay.
And they NEVER believe you're looking after Grandpa this weekend.
7 - Cigarettes or beer while pregnant
It doesn’t matter that they’re not for you – just being pregnant and looking at these items in a store is enough to raise some eyebrows.
6 - Anything ‘feminine hygiene’ related from a guy under 25
This isn’t so humiliating for you, but the cashier’s embarrassment is often contagious. Let’s face it, there’s nothing quite like the look on a spotty 17-year-old guy’s face when you waltz through with a box of ultra-overnight pads and some Tampax. I was once asked about a new brand "are these good" by one guy trying to make polite conversation, who it turned out though they were cigars.
5 - Lice shampoo
On the surface, lice shampoo or nit removal cream is relatively innocuous – but the packaging does you no favors. It says LICE in huge red letters, while shampoo is tucked discreetly at the bottom of the label in 10-point type.
Many women might think of borrowing a small child so people don't think you have nits yourself... but...
If you’re a mom, you’ll know that virtually all kids end up with head lice once or twice at school – and though dragging your kids through the checkout might make you feel less conspicuous, but as your LICE shampoo makes its way toward the register on the most painfully slow conveyor belt known to man, there’s bound to be an old woman behind you tutting, muttering about your children being filthy mongrels and then… she’ll do the ultimate, she’ll start scratching her head and switch to a different queue.4 - Hemorrhoid remedies
Nothing says “hey look at my ass” like a tube of Anusol or a jar of Preparation-H pads. Sure, there are plenty of other uses for hemorrhoid remedies (brilliant for getting rid of the bags under your eyes after a long weekend!), but the only thing on anyone else’s mind when they see you with a package emblazoned with the H word is your backside.
3 - Condoms
Now there are plenty of people out there who will argue that there’s no shame in buying condoms. You’re being responsible, and you’re obviously going to get some (or at least you’re under the illusion that you will soon be doing the horizontal mambo). But, if purchased with the routine shopping at the grocery store, condoms can be embarrassing to buy. It’s all about context. Cucumber beep Baguette beep Mackerel beep Carrots beep Bananas beep Extended Pleasure Condoms beep Six pack of Corona beep … you’re either preparing for a great night, or you’re a big dirty pervert. The only condom-related store catastrophe that’s worse is having to return the things if they happen to be expired.
2 - Yeast infection remedies
There’s a scene in Me, Myself and Irene that is a realization of everyone’s worst fear when purchasing a cream or other remedy – Jim Carey asks for a price check on Vagisil, proclaiming that the customer in line before him at the check stand has “a little extra sour cream on the taco”. Whether you need it for a female reason or because of another problem (some products are prescribed for athletes’ foot!), there’re few women who can confidently walk to the checkout with a yeast infection medicine in hand.
1 - Wart Remover
Again, when you first consider wart removal products, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You can pick up a plantar wart at the pool or the gym easily enough. But maybe your husband says to you, “Hon, while you’re out, could you stop by the pharmacy counter and pick up my prescription?” Oh sure, no problem you holler over your shoulder on the way out the door. You get there, do your shopping, stop to see Art the helpful pharmacist and ask for your husband’s prescription.
He says, “No, this can’t be right, what’s his prescription for?” “He’s got a plantar wart,” you say. “Were you expecting to pick anything up yourself ma’am?” And then, you ask Art why he thinks the prescription is wrong. And he hands over a clearly labeled name brand medication that proudly proclaims “Leading treatment for VAGINAL WARTS” across the top. Given the amount of time your chitchat has taken, it’s no surprise to you when you look over your shoulder and there are six people waiting behind you – including a teacher at your kid’s school and someone you recognize from high school. Art reassures you that it is the best wart removal medication on the market, having double-checked things with the physician who wrote the prescription. Somehow, this reassurance does nothing to quell your rage or dampen the reddening of your cheeks as you jam the box into your handbag and scurry away from the pharmacy – perhaps never to return.
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